Train or spoil a child....

Proverbs 22 verse 6 says that:
“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”

We may all have different attitudes towards life but I believe that it is every parent’s desire to raise wonderful, polite, God fearing, respectful, joyful, loving, obedient and successful children. We come from different backgrounds. Some believe in smacking, some in grounding and some in reasoning together by discussing why the child has behaved a certain way and seeing if there is something that can be done to avoid such behaviour in future.

Most parents always want the best for their children but sometimes it is not always easy for children to obey their parents or be what their parents want them to be. The children are only human and they make mistakes so please do not expect miracles over night. A little bit of patience goes a very long way. Do not compare your children with other people’s children. Invest your time in your children and love them too.

Staying in Aberdeen has not been easy for me. The life has been so hectic and stressful. Getting a housekeeper is very expensive compared to where I am originally from. My attitude towards life has always been to find ways to make my life easier and smoother. I found out that having children can be a good way of reducing the house workload. I am not talking about abusing our children and using them as housekeepers but just teaching them to be responsible without them knowing that they are actually doing some housework.

From the age of two, children can learn to do some little chores, e.g. tidying up the toys. One can make up a song just for tidying up. It is up to you to decide how you want the chores to be done. As a child I was never a fan of doing house chores but I had to do my bit. Nothing has changed in that department but since I have a flare for nice and clean things I have no choice but to clean and tidy up. I just feel that it is dull and boring. It was because of this attitude that I decided to do something about it. I had to change my attitude towards tidying up because I was always angry and in a bad mood whenever I cleaned the house.

One day as I was tidying up, one of my favourite songs started playing on the radio and I started dancing and my mood was lifted. I continued singing the song “Jesus love has got under my skin” and my day went perfectly. I was surprised as to how I managed to finish the work just because of that song. It is amazing how God can use ordinary everyday things to arrest us. I am so grateful for that day. It took a song to turn my life around by changing my attitude towards house work.

Now, I do not need to play any music because the music is within me. It is a very special part of me which I can not afford to do without. Whenever I am tidying up I always burst into a song and before I know it, the job is done. I did not start singing because of tidying up. I was always into singing since I was a child but it was only limited to when I am happy, at church and because something is playing on the radio. This is how I got the revelation of teaching my children to learn through play.

Children love to learn through play and all sorts of challenges. Consider creating some exciting games to help them tidy up. Before implementing the plan one needs to be organised and make sure things are in order.

Start by arranging the children’s room or rooms in a very simple and exciting way. Make sure all their special toys are within their reach. Put in a laundry basket and encourage them to put in their dirty clothes. A bookshelf will be handy for all those bed time stories. It just makes them easily accessible whenever they need them and will encourage putting them back in place. Once the room layout is organised it will be easier to encourage them to maintain the room tidy all the time. Reward them for keeping their room tidy and being helpful around the house.

Children love to be given responsibilities and being in charge or control of something. Start with the easy things and as they grow you can increase the responsibilities. Do not be discouraged if the plates are left oily or are not properly clean. They will get better with time but the most important thing is that you would have taught them how to do the dishes and also the fact that dishes need to be cleaned after use.

There are a lot of things I ask my children to do for me. My 5-year-old boy enjoys switching on the computer for me. When I am baking he greases the baking tray, cracks the eggs and whisks them for me. When making biscuits he always creates the different shapes and helps to put them on the baking tray. Start with simple things like asking them for a glass of water, putting your shoes away, bringing your handbag or bible, putting your jacket away, answering the phone and so on. I am sure that we all know that Rome was not built in one day. Our children are different; therefore some need less or more encouraging than others.

Remember to always say “thank you” whenever they do something for you. Whether it was done perfectly or not, the child will be encouraged and will want to do more. They will feel appreciated and loved as well. You will also be teaching them good manners, thus the need to say thank you. To be honest these children will not find it hard to thank God.

I enjoy rewarding my children most of the time as a way of encouraging them. I take them out occasionally to Macdonald’s, shopping for toys, Codonas, order a pizza to eat at home or go out for a movie. I do not do this all the time but I always choose a convenient time to say, ‘thank you, my children and keep up the good work’.

I am not saying everyone should implement all the things I have mentioned in this article but I hope that it will serve as an eye opener to things we can do as parents to encourage our children to help with house chores.
I thank God for the lesson he taught me.
Stay blessed.

Teach your children well.

I am not an expect at this but I have some little knowledge which I have acquired in my 12 years of being a parent. The most interesting thing about parenting to me is that it is the most important job on earth and yet we are not well equiped for it. Please people go the extra mile and learn what good christian parenting is.

As concerned parents you can form a parent group on your own rather than wait on the Pastor. Do something for your children. Invite those who have written books on parenting or those who seem to be gifted in parenting. I am sure there are some people we know whose children have some mannerisms we admire and desire to be in our children.

The bible tells us to covet only good gifts.
1 Corinthians 12:31 (King James Version)
"But covet earnestly the best gifts: and yet shew I unto you a more excellent way."
Ask them how they have done it. Do not be proud for it is for the good of your children.

God's intention for child birth and parenting was within marriage, Holy matrimony. It was in marriage that he commanded Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply and replenish the earth. Why? I think it is because God desires Godly seeds. He wants the children to know him, honour him and obey him.

Serving God is supposed to be a family affair. If one parent is a christian and the other is not, the family will be dysfunctional. The father is the head of the family, as Christ is the head of the church, therefore he needs to lay down the law.

No wonder why Joshua in, Joshua 24:15 (New International Version)
"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

Child raring requires a high level of stability, therefore we should feed our children on invaluable values by which they can live victorious, glorious, joyful, peaceful, loving and wonderful lives. Godly parenting is when we parent our children in the way God parents us.

The reason some of these western nations are suffering is because they failed to teach their children about God. This is the reason why a lot of people are in a mess. People are getting involved in certain things that do not glorify God. They have no values at all. They do not know where to turn to for help. The government that promises to help can not help because they themselves are seeking and searching for answers. How can the blind lead the blind? Disaster!!

There is a need somewhere that only God can meet and not scientology or any of these other things we hear about everyday. So parents, I beseech you by the mercies of God to build good and solid foundations for your children through the word of God. It is the only sincere milk that is vital for their growth and happiness in life. They will know where to turn to when in trouble or in need or in want of something, be it spiritual or material.

We need to provide for our children. As much as we expert God to meet all our needs, same with our children. They expect to receive good gifts from us. We need to buy them gifts whenever possible. Provide good food and clothes. Affirm them and boost their self esteem. Encourage honesty and working hard to achieve good results. Above all love them and spend time with them praying and playing together. A family that prays and plays together stays together.

Teach them care, commitment to family and respect of their elders and the importance of obedience. Romans 12 has got some wonderful pointers to teach our children. Every child is different therefore we need to study our children and know them individually. You can not do the same thing you did for Jude, for Apollos.

Nurturing of children should not be one sided. Both parents should be involved in the teaching and equiping of the children. It is a very good investment for their future. It is not the mother's responsibility to teach the children but also the father's. Teach your children regularly and have the same mindset as parents in order to avoid confusing the children. Teach them how to get solutions for everthing in the bible. Teach them patience and perseverance.

Teach your children about God and how to pray as early as possible. It is never too early. Do not be in a hurry, Take your time and this is the good reason for starting as early as you can. It needs to be well balanced. Give them freedom to choose eg food, toys etc. Encourage good habits eg prayer, saying thank you, offering a helping hand etc. Discipline them lovingly whenever appropriate but make sure they understand why. 'Because I say so!' may work, but, is not a very good answer.

Above all let us remember to pray for our children, for their careers, for their spouses and also for their children. This is one thing we should never take lightly, for it is one of the greatest gifts we can ever give to our children. For those who have not started yet, please do.

It is never too late to start teaching your children. Difficult it may be, but, God will always make a way to those who are willing to let him take control of their lives and situations. We are not alone, ask Jesus and he will be your guide.

Remember!! God chose you and he will always be there for you. Genesis 18:19 (New International Version)
"For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him."

Always be available for your children and be ready to answer any questions they may have e.g. sensitive issues like sex. If you are not available or free to talk to them someone else will. The most frightening thing is you do not know who and what they may be taught.

Get wisdom, get understanding.

Stay blessed.

The 4 basic personality types - which one are you?

How I came to know about the 4 personality types was just due to my desire to know who I am and what makes me tick. I enjoy watching and studying people and I am always wondering how so different we are and yet it is still the same God who created us. I stumbled into a book by Joyce Meyer called Managing your emotions, which was a great eye opener. I started looking for more information about personalities on-line.

I believe God has made us different for a purpose. There are challenges involved in working with people with different personalities than mine but there is nothing I can do because they also have to work with me as well. There is a need to understand each other. As much as I want to be accepted so does the other person with a different personality from mine. I believe that knowing one's purpose in life is one of the greatest achievements in life. You will begin to understand and tolerate others more. Remember!!! "United we stand and divided we fall."

I learnt that there are 4 personality types: Melancholy, Sanguine, Phlegmatic and Choleric. I will give a brief description of each type. Another important thing to note before we go any further is that most people have a mix of personality types but there is usually a more dorminant one. According to the online personality test I took, I am 80% melancholy and 15% phlegmatic and 5% sanguine.

Melancholy - Very deep thinkers who are very detailed. They believe that there is a place for everything and that everything needs to be in its place - very tidy and disciplined people. They are perfectionists and they set high standards. They are talented and creative - artistic or musical. Genius prone. Usually encourage scholarship and talent. Can be very critical, unforgiving and strict. Moved to tears by compassion. They spend too much time planning and are often not too keen to start new and unfamiliar projects. It is mainly this group of people that is normaly affected by depression because they are often a bit moody. Their nightmare is imperfection.

Sanguine - They have a very bubbly personality, are usually very loud, self centered and seem to bounce through life. They have a good sense of humour and are always quick to volunteer for jobs. They are into activities because they are very energetic and full of fun. Always inspiring others to join in whatever they are doing. They are the Me, me, me! people. They seek recognition most of the time and thrive on compliments. They normally forget their children's appointments. They waste time talking and their confidence fades fast. Keeps home in a mess and dislike being alone. Their nightmare is social disapproval.

Phlegmatic - These are usually the type of people who show little or no emotion at all (hidden emotions). They are very relaxed, peaceful and easy going people. (Calm, cool and collected.) Everything about them is normally simple, they like to stabilise things, never in a hurry for anything and they usually miss deadlines because they are not bothered. Have administrative abilities. They try and avoid conflict if they can and under pressure they slow down. They always try to find an easy way to do things. They dampen others' enthusiasm. Hard to get moving and can not stand being pushed to do something. They are sarcastic and teasing and do not like change. They take life too easy. As parents they are usually the children's favourite. Their nightmare is loss of security.

Choleric - These are naturally born leaders and they must correct wrongs. They are strong and crave to be in control. Very unemotional people who are independent and self sufficient. They are focused on results and prefer things done their way. They are normally motivated by challenges, new ideas and thrive on opposition. They always have the right answer to everything and are usually right. They normally get a lot accomplished. They can be very impatient and bossy. Very unsympathetic. Is not complimentary. Dominates others by making decisions for them. Can do everything better and sorry is not in their vocabulary. Can be very possessive of their friends and mates. Their nightmare is being taken advantage of by others.

Hope you have been blessed by this.

Stay blessed.